The weight men carry, the words they don't say

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A parent needs medical care. An adult child cannot find work. Household expenses rise. Retirement savings look inadequate. Employment becomes less secure. None of these challenges…

As International Men’s Day approaches on 19 November, MY SECOND50 continues its four-part exploration of men in midlife. This article examines the pressures men navigate, why silence is more complicated than it appears, and what meaningful support requires.

A parent needs medical care. An adult child cannot find work. Household expenses rise. Retirement savings look inadequate. Employment becomes less secure. None of these challenges is unusual. Together, they can be overwhelming.

Midlife for men can bring simultaneous demands from younger and older generations, alongside changes in health, relationships and earning capacity. The room to recover from setbacks may also be narrowing. Retrenchment at 55 can mean greater financial obligations, fewer re-employment opportunities and less time to rebuild savings than at 25. Experiences vary, but the convergence matters.

Expectations, meanwhile, do not necessarily adjust. The person who has always provided may still be expected to provide. The one who has always solved problems may find it difficult to admit that he now needs help.

South African men in midlife encounter a difficult contradiction: expectations of provision and independence persist in an economy that cannot guarantee secure work or adequate income. A man unable to meet family needs may interpret a structural economic problem as personal failure.

Responsibility matters, but it cannot be separated from resources. Financial strain can lead someone to postpone treatment, continue working through exhaustion or conceal difficulties for fear of disappointing others. Economic pressure becomes relational, psychological and physical.

The point is not to deny individual agency. It is to recognise its limits when the conditions needed to exercise it are absent. Encouraging resilience without addressing those conditions can place yet another demand on the person already under strain.

Stress can mobilise action. The danger is prolonged pressure without sufficient control…

South…

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