I care for my 92-year-old mum and adult son – it’s hurt my retirement planning

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Helen Blake, 62, spends much of her time juggling appointments, arranging care and keeping track of the needs of both her son and her parents – and now has little time for…

Helen Blake, 62, spends much of her time juggling appointments, arranging care and keeping track of the needs of both her son and her parents – and now has little time for anything else.

She helps care for her 92-year-old mother while also supporting her autistic adult son with the assistance of a support worker.

But keeping on top of everyone’s needs has become increasingly time-consuming, and Helen, who has mobility problems herself, says her caring responsibilities have taken over her life, meaning she has had no time to prepare for her own retirement.

“If I didn’t have my diary, I would struggle. There is so much logistical planning involved in caring for Mum and keeping track of all her appointments alone,” she said.

“I receive all the NHS text messages for Mum, myself, my son and a friend I support, so sometimes it’s a guessing game trying to work out which message relates to which person.”

Even going on holiday offers little respite from her responsibilities. “Even when I’m on holiday, I’m waiting for the phone to ring,” she said. “Mum recently had a fall and hit her head while I was away, but she didn’t want the carers to contact me because she didn’t want to spoil my holiday.

“We had to have a conversation and explain that we would rather know, even when we’re away, because otherwise you’re still worrying and wondering what’s happening.”

Helen is part of the so-called “sandwich generation” – people who find themselves simultaneously supporting ageing parents and their children, sometimes well into adulthood.

For some, this involves raising school-age children while arranging care for elderly relatives. Others, like Helen, continue supporting adult children with additional needs.

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