Becoming a Man has good advice – but as a manosphere expert, I wish it wasn’t so gendered

Résumé détaillé

The letters in Julia Baird’s book, co-edited with her son, contains some beautiful pieces. But it’s a pity the book isn’t called ‘Becoming a Human’.

On her son Sam’s 16th birthday, journalist Julia Baird asked a group of men – family and friends – to write him letters about what it means to be a good bloke. The idea was to help him navigate the current atmosphere, where talk about the manosphere and toxic masculinity dominates. The letters were so moving, they decided to take the concept and turn it into a book.

In this way, Becoming a Man, edited by a mother and her son, was born. Their book adds to a broader public conversation, addressed to young boys, about what it means to be a man. Actor Stephen Graham, who played the father in Netflix’s Adolescence, recently released a similar book, Letters To Our Sons.

Review: Becoming a Man edited by Julia Baird and Sam Baird Sparks (Fourth Estate)

Becoming a Man contains some beautiful pieces. These letters offer a mix of inspiration, joy, sadness, contemplation and wonder. I didn’t love them all, but there was some genuinely good advice.

Much of it goes beyond the usual tips, such as “be sensitive” and “it’s okay to cry”. Tim Minchin, for example, provides a hodgepodge of tips for living a good life, such as get into cooking, treat your body kindly and smile. Jonty Claypole, CEO of Red Room Poetry, writes about the value of keeping a diary.

Composer Richard Tognetti eloquently talks about art and why we should get off our computers and go to choir practice. And award-winning Indigenous novelist Tony Birch talks about the value of slowing down, taking things in, clearing your head and replacing the clatter of noise with contemplative quietness.

Despite this, I still had an unease reading the book. My concern is not about the contents, but the premise – and what is missing from it.

Becoming A Man exists because of an increasingly dominant discourse that boys are in trouble, and need help and advice. It’s a challenging time to be a boy. Yet, despite having dedicated years to researching the manosphere, I struggle to believe the issues they face are theirs alone.

Girls, and…

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